Pretty!

I have spent the last week making the prettiest report IN THE WHOLE WORLD. Here is a sampler:










Bow down before me, for I am an excel GOD.

Yours,

Dave
x

Crazy Elevator Lady, Episodes 1 & 2

Episode One
Interior. Dave is in a lift heading to the fourth floor, where he works.

Elevator: *Ping* "Fourth floor."

Crazy Elevator Lady: [Waiting on the fourth floor.] "THIS IS THE FOURTH FLOOR!?"

Dave: [Scared.] "Er...yes. I work here?"

Crazy Elevator Lady: *disbelieving scowl*

Episode Two
Interior. Dave is waiting by the lifts, Crazy Elevator Lady is standing next to him. Approx 2 minutes pass in silence.

Crazy Elevator Lady: "HI!"

Dave: "Er...hello."


Wow, she is weird!

16,000

Poor Col has, for some reason, saved up a whole year's worth of work to do in two days. She's so crazy! Or, you know, retarded. Anyway, in her honour I have composed a haiku:

Sixteen thousand words
One year's work before Friday
Then there will be Pimm's

HAWT!

Clearly it's too hot to actually do any work. Thus I will be spending this afternoon fanning myself and generally moaning. Hurrah!

In other news, my tuna & cucumber sandwich tastes of sweetcorn, although there isn't actaully any in it. I think the trolley man has spent all morning picking it out and that is why he is so LATE. I will get him sacked.

EDIT [17:46]: He he, my boss thinks I'm working really hard but secretly I am ON THE INTERNET! Ha more fool him - oh actually he just left. Fucker.

Tea Please

Like, HELLO?

UGH.

20six? How very dare they. After a year's worth of dedicated blogging (ok, not dedicated) 20six decided that NAY! THOU SHALT BLOG NO FURTHER! All very Book of Job, really. Brilliantly they've encrypted - yes encrypted - our (and everybody else's) site with a completely random password! Absolute bastardos.

So we're moving isn't it. If you'd like to have a go at unlocking the site you can find it at www.20six.co.uk/collianddave. Let me know if you get anywhere!

Col, perchance you would like to reminisce on times past? All I can remember is Alan Wicker and the RHS Chelsea Flower Show. Be warned tho - if I catch sight of you using any font that isn't Verdana size "Small" I will kill you.

DEAD.

Much love,

Dave